What do you expect? Construct rather than condemn when customer service disappoints

What type of customer service can we really expect if we don't speak with empathy or even speak up at all when we are disappointed?

My mother often shared her experiences with customer service and how mutual respect unfolded in the Barbadian economy. The first year after moving back whenever she commented on anything customer service related she would often hear "well remember, this isn't America".

Like her I am very aware of this fact but because of all of the environmental degradation and financial destruction of functional local economies by misplaced goals which I've experienced in the U.S., I certainly don't have an ideal of Barbados being more like America. I believe in the value of a local economy built with the priority of culturally relevant self-sustenance rather than a local economy built from prioritizing knowledge from foreign circumstances and experiences with ill suited solution models.

However, there are definitely valuable lessons to be learned from every single nook and cranny on this earth. There are valuable lessons which can still be uncovered from our respective histories. Most of all, there are valuable methods and tools which can be inspired by circumstances abroad but grounded in local experiences and needs.

It is most important to remember that whatever we do here in the Caribbean, should be extra-flexible and responsive because of our size and fragility. At the same time our size and fragility is nothing new and this is where our strength lies. There's this movement which promotes "Transition Towns" i.e. economies transitioning away from fossil fuel use and while enhancing their economic and environemntal stability. You know that this ideal is how most islands survived before the importation of fossil fuel became possible and we moved to a petroleum based way of living. So then, with fragility comes the know how which prevents us from breaking- that is our strength. But this strength can only be beneficial if we have the knowledge of our strategies to manage our fragility and begin to adopt a mindset of self-sustained survival rather than survival based on external funding foreign business investment.

So now after the above digression - an idea of "How to Construct not Condemn" has come to me as a result of being disappointed multiple times by customer service, the lack of appreciation for constructive criticism and the lack of mutual respect for business valuation. I am also most disappointed in how I react sometimes or fail to respond because either I am blue vex and say the first thing that comes to my head OR I am just too hungry and upset to bother to say anything. Both of the above responses are a disservice to me and my economy. Usually I will end up stressing myself out, complaining to someone who can't change the situation or making the decision that - "I done with them, they never gonna get my money AGAIN!!!" .

I want to change those responses because really I want whatever I say or do to be constructive and not a condemnation. Also, because I also work in customer service and hear multiple stories from my family and friends about being treated disgustingly by disdained customers I want to be considerate in my responses. I'm trying to remember that most of us want to do our best, we just might not always remember/know how to. (And, as someone that likes my food I don't want to write off any of my favourite places to eat....I want to have as many options as possible and give places of business a chance to do what they say they will :)).

How to "Construct not Condemn" when you are disappointed by a service or business response. (Scenarios soon to be posted on my Facebook Profile)

1. Replay the scenario in your mind and try to imagine yourself as doing the work which has disappointed you.

2. If you think you can imagine what it feels like then - Was there anything you as a customer/supporter of that business could have done to avoid this disappointment or conflict? E.g. Did you speak clearly and slowly enough when initiating business or making your order. Were you assertive enough about what you need? Did you make eye contact and give the person the same respect which you expect?

3.If you can't imagine what it feels like to be in another person's shoes, then at least try to be empathetic that you can't judge them because honestly you don't even know what it feels like.

4. If there was something more you could have said or done to avoid this customer service mishap or disappointment - then admit and tell them.

5. If there is nothing you could have done, compliment them on something they did get right or at least say "Thanks" or start your sentence with " I really have enjoyed eating here in the past or I like what you are doing here and that's why I want to bring this up." Be discreet if you can by not raising your voice.

6. Thank them if they have a positive response i.e they also admit what they could have done better or they apologize and offer for you to select another menu option, service, product or even a refund.

7. If they respond to you arrogantly or rudely without admitting the issue or offering a solution - Document the situation in some way.

For example take a picture of the food before you send it back; take a picture of the service, product or whatever caused the issue (except for the person, it would be equally rude to take snap a shot of them like you are the police and they are criminals taking their mugshot. Ask them for their name and the contact information of the manager/owner. It's common to ask for the manager if they are on site but in smaller establishments that is not always an option.

8. By seeing that you are serious about the situation, some people may then offer you something to secure your business or distract you from the situation, if this still doesn't happen politely refuse to pay for the meal, product or service with which you are disappointed. - "I'm sorry I can not pay for a meal or product with ____(insert issue here).

9. If at this point you still are not able to speak to the manager or receive some positive feedback from a business representative - pay what you owe and let them know that you will contact the manager and share your experience with others.

10. Regardless of the outcome, positive or negative - write a review - Trip Advisor, their Facebook page or write/ email business responsibility agencies - In Barbados - Green Business Barbados (there's an employee productivity focus area in this program) or file a complaint with the Fair Trading Commission. Most islands have similiar entities like this which you can write. If you think that what you have to say could benefit others immediately, you could also call into one of the popular radio shows designed just for that purpose. Also ofcourse there's the option of writing to the newspaper or making a personal Facebook post sharing with others what has happened.

In every response and review, just remember to be as constructive as possible -

Start with a compliment or the positive, describe the issue, empathize, suggest the response you would have preferred and end with another positive sentiment - e.g I hope that this issue can be addressed because I do want to continue to support this business.

Too hot to handle it? If you are having difficult empathizing or being constractive (i.e you are blue vex) just remove yourself from the situation and deal with it later.

Some thoughts of empathy could be that

- They could be approaching the end of a very long shift

- They didn't get paid ontime or maybe they are just struggling with life right now.

- The business isn't doing too well and maybe they are having a rough day/week.

All of these are reasons not excuses why they shouldn't exchange mutual repect in a business/professional interaction. Thinking about these reasons could guide the tone and content of what you say to them - essentially empathy can help you and them at the same time as it moves your words towards being constructive criticism rather than condemnation or chastising someone aimlessly.

What good does it do to make someone feel small or worthless? Really, it just leaves them feeling badly and there is a high likelihood that they will want to chastise someone else aimlessly hoping that will make them feel better. Each one of us can be a part of breaking that pattern of condemnation and making others feel worthless.

Be constructive, it's better for your health annd theirs anyway :)

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